not gracefully
{ Category Archives }
Remember when I told you I had a small surprise? It’s out now.
Adam Kempenhausen and Sam Val Kilmer let me write this week’s Dope Sheet. Like I said, I was honored, and humbled now that I see all the mistakes.
Take a look; I write about Lisa Kudrow and cute guys.
Over the past week I’ve had trouble thinking of a long post, and I’ve been biding my time with these shorties. I discovered Kasper Hauser last night while going through Boing Boing for any interesting content. I listened to Captain Kirk on acid, and I was hooked. I subscribed to the podcast where I found Episode 11: This American Life, a spot-on parody of my favorite radio show. I would link to this specific episode, but I can’t find it on the website. Because they have shortish episodes, I downloaded the entire back-catalog and intend on listening to them today.
Go check ‘em out. Tell ‘em I sent you. They’ll give you a 15% discount at the door.*
*They will not really give you a 15% discount. That was a lie. If you ask them nicely, they may give you a back-rub.
I write too-long pieces of ridiculousness. Since most of the readers of this site come from the Filmspotting Boards, I don’t really have to explain the in-jokes. For my few friends who don’t come from the boards, ask me over dinner; I’ll explain. Otherwise just read and enjoy a look into my creepy mind.
Stealing from my Gay Pimp Daddy Jonny McGovern, I’d like to nominate Reichen Lehmkuhl for Bloody Tampon of the Week for a recent statement he made and his boyfriend Lance Bass as Honorary Tampon String of the Week for things he said while coming out. When Lance came out I was so excited because I thought JT might make some big public statement of support for the gays, which would hopefully change the mind of some cloistered Colorado teen girl who gets her public policy opinions through her MTV intravenous drip. It is my life’s dream to change the mind of one Colorado teen girl.
When I read Lance’s coming out story in People about he and his friends calling each other “SAG”s for “Straight Acting Gays,” and that the message he wants to give to the rest of the world is that “We are all just like you” or some such, I turned to hating him. I will repeat an oft-repeated sentiment. I don’t want my gays to act straight. You make yourself look like a douche when you say you are a straight-acting gay, not only because the obvious follow-up question is, “How ‘straight-acting’ is having your penis in the vicinity of another man’s naked buttocks/penis/mouth/hand/elbow/Chihuahua?” but also because you made up an acronym expecting it to be widely adopted, a feat that only military scientists and archaeologists accomplish.
Which brings me to why Reichen Lehmkuhl should be nominated Bloody Tampon of the Week. He tried to coin a new phrase, this time by using the name of his potato-headed boyfriend. Please Reichen, let go of that celebrity butt hair you’ve been clinging to and take a swan dive into the toilet water.
And finally, thank you Neil Patrick Harris for coming out. Welcome to the team. We need more like you. Please don’t fuck up.
I’ve fallen in love with Jonny McGovern and New York in general. Between him and Keith and the Girl, I fantasize about moving to NYC and becoming best friends with them all. Realistically, Jerry and I would be living in a 500 sq. ft. apartment without central air in a shitty area. But the fantasy remains. On today’s show Krunk laid in the back of the studio sucking on his bottle of Jim Bean yelling at the rest of them and generally disrupting the show. He sounded like the drunk grandma that the family keeps sedated in her corner of the couch so that she doesn’t start telling stories about the time her and grandpa weren’t getting along too well and she found comfort with the neighbor-gentleman. As grandma realizes the family is talking about who is getting what for Christmas and ignoring her, she chimes in with something that applied to the conversation happening 2 minutes ago. This is Krunk. And I love him for it.