balding angrily

It’s rare that I’m blown away by YouTube because, in general, I’m not interested in what everyone else is interested in. Usually, I discover things that were viral three years ago. That’s my M.O.

So, imagine my surprise at finding the most awesomest thing at the top of You Tube’s Featured Videos.

Here’s the description:

Two girls find a mysterious radio left at their doorstep. They unleash a six armed goddess who seduces them with promises of wealth. They trade their souls for money and, in turn, become the goddess’ dancing elephant slaves.

I don’t know if this is The Heavy’s official video to “Coleen,” but it should be.

Relax and enjoy. (A warning. It’s a big file.)

I like how they used a pit bull to demonstrate the awesome abilities of this unicorn costume set. It’s like, “All your baby killings add up to zilch. You still look like a little princess.” (via Defamer)

For me, it’s Architecture in Helsinki. They’re making me do a twist-and-bob-butt-scoot dance in my office chair. It’s like they kicked me in my spleen, if my spleen was full of happiness and bursting it caused happiness to spill all over my body.

Thanks, Crumpet.

Please, please, please, please. Someone buy me one. (via Gizmodo)

Hello, my name is Nick, though some of you may know me as PulpAffliction. Nice to meet you!

On to the business at hand: our little game of telephone racism, one which I prefer to call Zatoichi’s 6. (Yes, Magnus, I like your original name.) After writing out a live blog of Wowser’s mix in the style that Mr. Alex has been using for the previous mixes, I realized I came off as a wordy, pretentious ass-hole. Suffice it to say, that’s not what I was aiming for. Instead, I’m doing my reviews as follows: I will use four words/terms, each separated by commas. The first will be a noun the song made me think of, second will be the color it made me think of, third will be a film it could be in and fourth will be a number indicating how I liked it compared to the other songs in Wowser’s mix (1 = best, 7 = worst.) For instance, if I were reviewing the song “The Magic Position” by Patrick Wolf this is what it would look like:

Circus, Yellow, “The Science of Sleep”, #

Got that? Without further ado, here goes:

————–

Track 1: Britain, White, “24 Hour Party People”, 3

Track 2: Ship, Blue-Green, “You, Me and Everyone We Know”, 4

Track 3: Gypsy, Bright Neon Exploding Yellow, “Everything is Illuminated”, 1

Track 4: WoW, Dark-Purple-Felt, “Braveheart”, 7

Track 5: John Cleese, Maroon, “Napoleon Dynamite”, 6 (Edit: I couldn’t tell if this was supposed to be comedy or not. I opted for the former. So. Yeah.)

Track 6: A Noise Band From the 70’s, Brown, Something directed by Chris Cunningham, 2

Track 7: Porn, Silver, “Anchorman”, 5

———–

So that’s that. Now off to my mix! But first; a short disclaimer: This isn’t exactly what I would have chosen, but I am on vacation right now, so I don’t have my music library. Instead I used what I could find on the internet, which means the songs veer more towards recent stuff.

More importantly, my songs are all DIRECT responses to the corresponding track on Wowser’s mix. Unfortunately I do not get extra credit for bringing it back down to six songs. There is no one to blame but Alex for the fact that it’s now seven songs. Ya hear that Alex? It’s your fault! So. Yeah.

Here it is: Enjoy!

At Balding Angrily, we get lots of letters asking us to mention them on the show. Kids, the best way to get mentioned is to give me things or tell me you were thinking of me in some way.

So a month ago, Angela (winrit) gave me a mixtape. It’s Latin-infused. She’s a ballroom dancer, and apparently that’s given her a taste in Portuguese sambas. Or mambos. Or whatever they are.

Shortly after, Jon sent me Finding Nemo and the book to Company, a couple of things that were on my Amazon wishlist. I read through Company that very night, and I watched Finding Nemo on my iPod on a slow day at work. Shh. Don’t tell anyone.

I knew of a fella on the boards that had a handsome pup as his avatar, but I didn’t know Jon before I got the package. Thanks, Jon.

Jen-An and Owen gave me a photo of Cyndi Lauper with a trombone with my face taped over hers. That was, um, disturbing. Very, very disturbing. I acted strangely insulted, and then Jen-An said, “Oh please. We all know that you like when someone goes out of the their way to make something for you.” Yeah. I had to admit that it was very sweet. She also called me a puppy, a bulldog puppy. Then she did an imitation of a puppy with a grumpy face, stomping around with a harumph. I hate her.

Finally, Lynch just sent me a song I’ve never heard and called it the unofficial Balding Angrily theme song. He said that whenever this song is on the radio, he thinks of Balding Angrily. Please, people. Don’t think of Balding Angrily while you’re driving. It makes me think that you don’t have a life. If you’re driving around thinking of these degraded ramblings, you really, really need to seek help.

The song is Mika’s “Grace Kelly.” I can’t upload it because Wordpress is forbidding it. If I can I’ll write down the lyrics. The singer sounds like Freddy Mercury, and he’s singing about how he can be anything you want him to be if you just love him. I can see that as being perfect for Balding Angrily.

-Update-

Lynch posted the YouTube of the video for “Grace Kelly” on Watch This Vid.

Here’s stuff I done got for mah birfday.

Red-Haired Mom is a wonderful woman if a bit loopy. She sent a big box of stuff to Jen-An and Owen to deliver to me instead of just sending it to me. She wanted me to be presented with stuff, instead of getting a brown box in the mail. Here’s the bag that they shouldered into the restaurant. You can see I started unwrapping stuff before I thought to take the picture:

Here’s all the stuff in the bag. It’s hard to see in this picture, but the Garfield on the far left is wearing a baby hat. I presume that Red-Haired Mom included it in the package assuming that it’s mine. It is just as likely that it belonged to my brother or sister, and she stuffed it into the package with an attitude of, “Meh. He’ll never know the differnence.” She also included in the package a large file of pictures from when I was living with her. I haven’t opened the package yet because I haven’t had much time:

You might recognize the stuff from this picture as I’m getting ready for my senior prom. Though it pains me to admit it, here is photographic proof that a senior in high school had Garfield stuffed animals displayed prominantly in his bedroom. My mom never sat me down and said, “Alex, you’re weird. Please stop being so weird.” I blame her for the way I am now:

My dear sweetness gave me a ring. I lost my wedding ring maybe six months after our wedding. I took it off at the gym while working out, and I left it in the locker when I left. I immediately realized my mistake, but by the time I called the gym and got back there, it was gone. Jerry was diligent and found the exact same ring and got me a replacement. His ring also has a knot motif but is a bit more traditional. We liked the idea of having rings tied in theme if not in aesthetic.

Yargh!!! I’m going to get you with my stubby fingers and hairy knuckles:

Crump done give me a book I asked for. She said she liked the title because her name comes up as “cannoli” when she uses spell-check. Someone please go buy some art from her. She’s the nicest person I’ve never met. Jerry’s sister and brother-in-law gave me this kick-ass DC Comics book. I’m not sure what the 365 pages signify. Am I supposed to read it in a year like one of those bibles? That’s too much pressure, and I’m not going to take life-lessons from this book. Probably:

Finally, Jen-An and Owen gave me “Blackbird” sheet music, a small jewelry jar with the lyrics to “Blackbird” on it, and a small hand-colored piece of art with a web link on it. All of Jen-An’s family are artists. She did this. I haven’t gone to the link yet. I’ll let you. “Blackbird” was one of the songs that was at Jerry and my wedding. It was really the only thing we knew we wanted before we decided on anything else. Funnily we hadn’t really paid attention to the lyrics and were scared that it wouldn’t work. After sitting down one night and listening, we were relieved. What’s not pictured is some more art that Jen-An did to personalize the sheet music. She made the cover a kind of birthday card. Because she and Owen signed it with their real names, I didn’t photograph it even though I really want to show you her awesometude.

Ma and Pa Jerry and Dad and Blonde Mom also got me wonderful things that I will put to nefarious uses, but unfortunately they’re not very photogenic.

Finally, just because I’m not above pandering to get an “Awwww,” here’s a kitty with some kitties (”im on ur cowchez, maken beeleev”):

Crump is doing some crazy-cool things with print-making. She even used a bit of my rambling about meta in one of her pieces.

In the coming days I hope to post some pics of all the loot I garnered for my birthday. I also want to post an email I sent to Jerry some months after Cols’ passing. I think it shows our relationship accurately, much better than I could describe it to you. You’ll have to wait, though.

Work + sinus drainage is kicking my butt right now. Feeling under the weather on your birthday sucks.

Someone as awesome as awesome can be makes a piece of art like this.

My God. I’m thunderstruck at the sheer awesometude of it. Thanks MagnusfromBerlin, whose last name I know but remains secret. If he had a website, I’d link the hell out of it. He’s a frequent commenter, and he and Crumpet are my favorites. Suck it, the rest of yous. When you do something as awesome as this, you can be my favorite.

Oh. And he called it a Kubrick Toy. I haven’t read the accompanying Wikipedia article yet, as I was too excited to get this posted.

He said that I should think of this as a concept for a line of Balding Angrily toy action figures that I could sell. I feel Alex Kubrick needs a time machine, so he can visit his past and live out all those sick fantasies about his high school classmates. That said, I love it with all my heart and soul.

Just. Awesome.

Edited to add: I just asked Magnus about The Chimera. That’s AdamandSam, my trusty mount on whom I ride into battle. I always pictured AdamandSam to be a fierce, scaled hydra. He envisioned him/them as more of a Falkor-like creature, a friendly luck-dragon. I like his interpretation better.

Magnus - rock, rock on.