balding angrily

• When you say, “Jump,” he says, “You heard the man. Jump.”
• Then when you say, “I was talking to you, moron,” he says, “Oh no, I couldn’t. I just had my back waxed and its all sensitive. I’d get sweaty and itchy. No, no. I’ll just stay over here for a bit.”
• He wears suspenders. When he meets strangers, they run in fear of his male camel toe.
• He created a scent called, “Badass.” Due to communication difficulties with his Japanese lab technicians, it smells like ass left in the sun for too long.
• When he comes home, his cats greet him at the door. He runs at them high-kneed with his arms in front like hedge clippers. As he runs he screams, “KITTY!!!!” and they cower beneath the nearest chair.
• Wool doesn’t chaffe him. He chaffes wool.
• He runs a brothel for houseflies.
• When he walks on campus, the ladies turn their heads to watch him pass. The men too.
• He wears assless chaps and a stud collar when he walks on campus.
• Telemarketers know him by name.

For more stirring Junior action, check him out at his photoblog or on the Filmspotting Message Boards. You’ll be glad you did.