This morning, my newly opened antiperspirant greeted me with a daily affirmation. Carved into its unspoiled, white head was “LIVE LIFE.” The letters were slanted like they had just come back from a gig as the opening credits of Speed Racer.
It was a really good feeling to be given a hearty slap on the back from my odor-reducing product, and I see an opportunity for other day-starting hihowaryas. Maybe voice chips could be put in my socks that said, “Go get ‘em, tiger!” when I put them on. Maybe there could be a laser sight installed in my underwear, and it could transmit a message to my iPod. Then my iPod would say to me, “Hey there, big guy! Looks like you’re the cock-of-the-walk!”
It amuses to me to give my personal effects the voice of a 50s Brylcreem announcer.
Edited to add:
I just realized that “LIVE LIFE” was more than likely stamped into the head of the antiperspirant, not carved. But then the first verb brings up the delightful image of a ten year-old Guatemalan sitting on his dirt floor, one basket on his right full of uncarved antiperspirants and another empty basket on his left. He’s concentrating on the antiperspirant stick in front of him about to cut with his rusty x-acto knife. Under his breath he mutters, “Goddamn, fucking NAFTA.”
Post additional suggestions in the comments.
m_rturnage | 29-Nov-07 at 3:47 pm | Permalink
I can’t think of any products talking to you right now, but am amused by the fact that such an upbeat message is inscribed on a product designed to be rubbed into your armpits. It is like having sheets of toilet paper with the words, “Things couldn’t get any better!” on them.
Ok. I guess I came up with one.
alex | 29-Nov-07 at 5:00 pm | Permalink
That’s the spirit! Good show!
winrit | 30-Nov-07 at 10:15 am | Permalink
I have public transit running through my back yard. The train usually rumbles by as I am heading to my car. As I walked out this morning, hung over and tired, my pounding head cringed at the thought of the loudness, but when the came train, it cruised by slow and smooth at half its normal decibel. The cosmos is on my side today too.
winrit | 30-Nov-07 at 10:21 am | Permalink
Except maybe not on the side of grammar.
alex | 30-Nov-07 at 11:20 am | Permalink
What a great image, Angela. That there is a blog post.
MagnusWhoCantFindHisPasswordBecauseItIsOnHisOtherComputer | 30-Nov-07 at 12:15 pm | Permalink
Back in my youth is used to have an alarm clock with a recordable 5 second tape-loop, so you could leave yourself inspirational messages for the next day like: “If you get up, some bird will catch a worm” or “carpe diem, Latin is really gonna suck today” (nothing beats the humour of a ten year old). Repeated in 5 second interval this is sure to wake you up, but it will wake you with that strange feeling of talking to yourself. So you could also put on the first 5 seconds of the “Fall Guy” theme song and feel like Colt Seavers all day… I was young back then and getting up was easy.