balding angrily

Yesterday I saw a bumper sticker:

Elect Hillary so that Bill has to be the First lady.

The Republican elephant stood beside it. I re-read it wondering why first was capitalized while lady wasn’t. I wondered if that had something to do with why I was missing the attempted snap.

I started looking for the truth that underlies most jokes. I thought, “How could this statement possibly be true from a Republican perspective? On some level is it more important to the Republican to imagine Bill in a dress than to win the election? Is a man in a dress really that degrading in the Republican mind?”

Then I thought, “Maybe it’s a call back to the Monica thing. Maybe the sticker is implying that Hillary will fool around with an intern while in office. That could be almost funny, in an Earlian karma kind of way.” But then I came back to, “So this sticker would prefer to see cosmic justice served than win the election? I’m still not getting it.”

I finally came to the conclusion that Republicans are born without mirth. Their attempts are precious but slightly depressing.

Or maybe I expect too much from a bumper sticker.