balding angrily

Hello, my name is Nick, though some of you may know me as PulpAffliction. Nice to meet you!

On to the business at hand: our little game of telephone racism, one which I prefer to call Zatoichi’s 6. (Yes, Magnus, I like your original name.) After writing out a live blog of Wowser’s mix in the style that Mr. Alex has been using for the previous mixes, I realized I came off as a wordy, pretentious ass-hole. Suffice it to say, that’s not what I was aiming for. Instead, I’m doing my reviews as follows: I will use four words/terms, each separated by commas. The first will be a noun the song made me think of, second will be the color it made me think of, third will be a film it could be in and fourth will be a number indicating how I liked it compared to the other songs in Wowser’s mix (1 = best, 7 = worst.) For instance, if I were reviewing the song “The Magic Position” by Patrick Wolf this is what it would look like:

Circus, Yellow, “The Science of Sleep”, #

Got that? Without further ado, here goes:

————–

Track 1: Britain, White, “24 Hour Party People”, 3

Track 2: Ship, Blue-Green, “You, Me and Everyone We Know”, 4

Track 3: Gypsy, Bright Neon Exploding Yellow, “Everything is Illuminated”, 1

Track 4: WoW, Dark-Purple-Felt, “Braveheart”, 7

Track 5: John Cleese, Maroon, “Napoleon Dynamite”, 6 (Edit: I couldn’t tell if this was supposed to be comedy or not. I opted for the former. So. Yeah.)

Track 6: A Noise Band From the 70’s, Brown, Something directed by Chris Cunningham, 2

Track 7: Porn, Silver, “Anchorman”, 5

———–

So that’s that. Now off to my mix! But first; a short disclaimer: This isn’t exactly what I would have chosen, but I am on vacation right now, so I don’t have my music library. Instead I used what I could find on the internet, which means the songs veer more towards recent stuff.

More importantly, my songs are all DIRECT responses to the corresponding track on Wowser’s mix. Unfortunately I do not get extra credit for bringing it back down to six songs. There is no one to blame but Alex for the fact that it’s now seven songs. Ya hear that Alex? It’s your fault! So. Yeah.

Here it is: Enjoy!

Wowser, the next in line in our fabulous game of racism and musical elitism, finished up his mix based on mine. Like Magnus, I’m starting to really like this game. I listened to the mix the first time during lunch, and my gut reaction was, “This really is shite.” I chatted with Magnus a little, and realized I really hadn’t given it a fair shot. I listened to his mix many, many times before I started really digging the songs.

So, I’ve listened to it many more times today, which is blessedly easy given that they’re much shorter songs than Magnus’s. Without further ado let’s get into it. If you want to follow along, you must first follow the link.

Oh! But before I do, you get to know what my songs were:

• Track 1: “Boy” - Book of Love
• Track 2: “Kaleid” - Depeche Mode
• Track 3: “Light & Day / Follow the Sun” - Polyphonic Spree. But you knew that already.
• Track 4: “Avalon” - Roxy Music
• Track 5: “I’ve Been to a Marvelous Party” - The Divine Comedy channeling Noel Coward.
• Track 6: “Supersonic” - Basement Jaxx
• Track 7: “Off to Work” - Michael Giacchino from The Incredibles soundtrack

Now we’re off. Wowser’s mix. Now!

Track 1

• :01 We start with a bang. None of that meandering around like Magnus.
• :14 “woot myself in the shower?” How does one woot oneself?
• :44 “squelching awful?” I can tell already I’m going to have trouble with the accent. Bloody Brits, with their leaving out of rs.
• 1:31 I like the refrain. Wowser did a great job of connecting with the “I wish I was of the opposite sex” theme. That still doesn’t explain how one “woot”s oneself. I really dig the plinking piano in this, though.

Track 2

• :00 I like the playground melody. I feel like I should be playing hopscotch or double-dutching.
• :09 And an immediate introduction of some new sounds. Note to Magnus: this is how it’s done. No lingering in the doorway with the same sounds over and over again. We require some rapid changing up of the sounds. There’s only so many minutes in the day, you know.
• 1:08 Speaking of, this does have a kind of ticking clock vibe to it.
• 1:27 Jeez it’s halfway over. Thank you, Wowser! I like short songs…(but not big butts)
• 2:06 I like the Caribbean steel drum sound. That’s probably my favorite part.

Track 3

• :02 Huh?
• :19 Alright, I had to pause there. The first time I heard that Spanish voice I thought, “Oh laws…Wowser’s gone off the deep end.” After my sixth listen, I really, really dig this voice. I want to be in this guy’s beach resort.
• :43 I really struggled to connect this to The Polyphonic Spree, but now I don’t even care. It’s just fun and upbeat, and maybe that’s the connection. How can you be sad listening to this?
• 1:36 Spanish yodeling: A+
• 2:14 Ooooo. Fancy fiddle playing. I really admire that kind of verve in a player.
• 3:06 He’s talking about dancing. When aren’t the Spaniards/Latin Americans talking about dancing? What if you’re a bad dancer in those countries? Are you doomed to a miserable life? Do you get the shun?

Track 4

• :13 Mood music. I definitely see the connection to Roxy Music.
• :34 Is this Spinal Tap?
• :59 Bring me my broadsword? And the talisman? I really hope this spot in our game of telephone isn’t doomed to be all about medieval moping. Where are the hobbits?
• 2:11 Yep. Definitely hobbits.
• 2:30 And thus began The Great Guitar Solo of Pretension. And lo, the mastiff did bow its head. And the wee man with the nose of rotted fruit did dismount. And The Great White Wizard did proclaim this day to be one of Majesty.
• 4:23 I don’t have your broadsword. Did you check under the cushions?

Track 5

• :06 Jesus, that brogue just hit me across the face like a wet fish. I feel violated.
• :34 A labyrinth under the sea? So, we’re continuing with the fantasy theme are we?
• 1:26 Sleepy people. That may be a first for me - yawning as a musical statement.
• 2:17 “I can’t read well because of my horns.” The two things aren’t related. Unless your horns grow from your eye sockets. Then I suppose it would be very hard to read.
• 2:56 The background singers just got pissed all sudden-like. It’s like the blood alcohol level passed an invisible but vital boundary, and they went from sober to drunk in one second.
• 3:07 Where’s the “I’m drunk” hiccup? There needs to be a hiccup at the end.

Track 6

• :03 I have time on this one. This particular track is very, very difficult for me to like. It just doesn’t go with my tastes. I’ll try my damnedest, though.
• :54 What’s fascinating to me about this track is how it might connect with Basement Jaxx’s “Supersonic.” At first I thought they’re polar opposites. “Supersonic” is so controlled and focused on the beat. It is entirely about the production work. Where this is so free and all about spontaneity, and the mix happens while playing. Then I thought about it some more and realized there’s probably just as much production work on this track as there is on “Supersonic.” And if you want to talk about spontaneity, I now realize that may be exactly what Basement Jaxx was going for with “Supersonic”…using their own language. So, really they match quite well.
• 4:49 I prefer this beat to the frenetic one of two minutes ago. I can even kind of dig the guitar moaning.
• 5:40 I need a joint or a hit of acid to appreciate this fully I think.
• 6:22 I kind of expect an end more thought out than a fade-out. This guy’s all about the free-form. A fade-out seems too simple for him.

Track 7

• :04 Wailing sax or clarinet. That’s beautiful.
• :40 I really prefer this structured kind of jazz. It brings me back to my jazz band days in high school.
• 1:14 I seriously need to look into some nice clarinet/sax music. That thing makes me cry. No, not that Kenny G shit. Some good shit like this.
• 2:08 It borders on tropical music with xylophone and the kind of breezy vacation feel to it.
• 3:20 Wowser, if this is your type of music, you really need to check out the soundtrack to Mirrormask. It’s a little less structured than this, and it crosses into other genres at a moment’s notice. But this reminds me of it.
• 4:38 Mr. Saxophone man, would you come over and serenade me every night like this? This is perfect for calming the nerves, for slipping off to sleep.
• 5:49 I sense Mr. Saxophone just got goosed. He went a bit crazy there.
• 6:22 More of the same to the end, methinks. Damn good, Wowser.

So, PulpAffliction is up next. You have Wowser’s mix. Your mix should be based on his, but don’t put too much thought into it. Or do. It’s up to you. The kind of gut reactions to songs are producing the most fun connections I think. On the other hand, there should be some one-on-one correspondence. Half the fun for me was deciphering that connection. Double points if you can combine two of his tracks into one of your tracks. That would get us back to Magnus’s original six.

The teaser: Have you heard about the fire? No, not that one.

Monday, Jerry and I left our apartment together on our way to the underground garage. There are a pair of doors on our end of the hall that stay open with magnetic hold open devices. These magnets disengage in case of fire, allowing the doors to automatically close. This isolates our part of the building giving us a smoke-free escape. The doors do not lock closed, so they do not cut off our or anyone else’s hypothetical escape.

Balding Angrily: providing your fire and life safety lessons since 2006.

Our building is built in a very old part of town; some iteration of the building has been around since 1910. In the last 5 years they remodeled it for lofts. They did a spot-on job, but our electricity still has to travel through the ancient infrastructure that plagues this part of town. Consequently, we frequently have outages and surges and other creepy goings-on that cause our elevators to mysteriously stop working and our alarms to sound.

The first time we heard our fire alarm, we were sound asleep and we made our way sluggishly in the direction of the fire exit. After the fifth time, we just looked at the red box on the wall, asking each other, “Do you think we should do anything?” I held my shoes in my lazy-wristed hands and assumed a sneer until it went off.

I got way down the daisy-covered path on that one. Back to Monday. We came out of our apartment, and the double doors were closed. We hadn’t heard a fire alarm, so we assumed it was another one of those creepy instances of our building assuming a personality. As I reached to push open the door, Jerry jokingly said, “Wait! You’re supposed to feel the door first! Only after you know it’s safe are you supposed to open it!” I ignored him and went through; it was fine.

In the late afternoon, Owen called me at work and said, “Don’t worry. You’re place isn’t burnt down.” He tends to start off phone conversations with these kind of non-sequiters. If someone isn’t looking at me quizzically when the four of us are out, they’re looking at him quizzically; we share that tangerine-trees-and-marmalade-skies thought process of free association.

He explained that he was driving around our apartment and saw what the news termed a “column of smoke” near downtown. He checked to see it wasn’t our building and called me. Nice guy, right? Yeah, he is. Jen-An lucked out because she’s not half as nice.

After many hours I came home, and from our window you could see the warehouse that was on fire. It was still burning this morning, and I’m not convinced it’s out right now. In a sick way, I’m kind of sad that I can’t see the flames anymore. It was kind of fun to look out and shake my head at the thought of the smoke adding to Gore’s Gasses^TM.

Given that our electrical infrastructure is shoddy - given that Jerry and I are now immune to the alarm after so many false ones - given that the warehouses in our area are lighting up like Roman candles - given that our building is likely haunted - given that both Jerry and I have left the iron plugged in and on - given that we both get distracted by burly firemen - given all these things we are doomed to die of something fire related. And we don’t even have any kiddos to fight over our vast fortune when we do.

At Balding Angrily, we get lots of letters asking us to mention them on the show. Kids, the best way to get mentioned is to give me things or tell me you were thinking of me in some way.

So a month ago, Angela (winrit) gave me a mixtape. It’s Latin-infused. She’s a ballroom dancer, and apparently that’s given her a taste in Portuguese sambas. Or mambos. Or whatever they are.

Shortly after, Jon sent me Finding Nemo and the book to Company, a couple of things that were on my Amazon wishlist. I read through Company that very night, and I watched Finding Nemo on my iPod on a slow day at work. Shh. Don’t tell anyone.

I knew of a fella on the boards that had a handsome pup as his avatar, but I didn’t know Jon before I got the package. Thanks, Jon.

Jen-An and Owen gave me a photo of Cyndi Lauper with a trombone with my face taped over hers. That was, um, disturbing. Very, very disturbing. I acted strangely insulted, and then Jen-An said, “Oh please. We all know that you like when someone goes out of the their way to make something for you.” Yeah. I had to admit that it was very sweet. She also called me a puppy, a bulldog puppy. Then she did an imitation of a puppy with a grumpy face, stomping around with a harumph. I hate her.

Finally, Lynch just sent me a song I’ve never heard and called it the unofficial Balding Angrily theme song. He said that whenever this song is on the radio, he thinks of Balding Angrily. Please, people. Don’t think of Balding Angrily while you’re driving. It makes me think that you don’t have a life. If you’re driving around thinking of these degraded ramblings, you really, really need to seek help.

The song is Mika’s “Grace Kelly.” I can’t upload it because Wordpress is forbidding it. If I can I’ll write down the lyrics. The singer sounds like Freddy Mercury, and he’s singing about how he can be anything you want him to be if you just love him. I can see that as being perfect for Balding Angrily.

-Update-

Lynch posted the YouTube of the video for “Grace Kelly” on Watch This Vid.

Well. Getting there. Since I started my program of eating healthy and getting to the gym semi-regularly, I’ve dropped ten pounds. Start lining up to get those nude pictures I promised you. The biggest change I made is dropping out eating 2 cookies a day on average. I’m a cheap drunk now. This week I had one glass of wine and got a little tipsy.

As Jerry were walking to our cars today, I thought about how sad it is that we Americans pay money to go to a gym and have to work to get slimmer; we have to actually work at not eating as much because food is so plentiful. In other parts of the world their struggle is to eat enough. It’s a pretty fucked up situation.

Then as I was working out my chest I was looking with glee at my shoulders that were visible under my sweaty t shirt. I was thinking, “Look at those shoulders. I am so totally hot for myself right now.” Afterwards, taking off my shirt in preparation for the shower, my healthy back fat said, “Um. Not so much. Give it another month or two. ‘Cuz I’m not checking out of here until it’s absolutely necessary.”

The call is out! Australians! Chicago-ites! Kiwis! All the rest!

We want YOU to be the next in the chain. We’re playing a game of telephone (or “Chinese Whispers” if you’re European and racist) with a mix tape that started with Magnus. You don’t want the chain to end, do you? DO YOU?! Someone in your home town might get their knees shot out if the chain gets broken!

After the impish Brit makes his mix tape based on mine, and after Nick, the impressionable youth that frequents this site, makes his mix tape based on the Brit’s, we have no one to follow. Angela? Frank? Leonie? John? Candace? Jen-An? Betty? Veronica? The life of this chain rests in your hands!

‘Member when I said I had a difficult conversation with my superiors? Part of that discussion was about an article I wrote for Columns, the Dallas AIA newsletter. The uppers weren’t exactly pleased. They felt that with the name of my firm so prominently displayed under my article, people would think that my firm is a sweatshop. (I removed the name of the firm from the file above.) That implication honestly never crossed my mind, and most architectural firms are sweatshops. Whether mine is or not I can’t say as I’m not in an objective place right now.

Most everyone who approached me personally told me they really liked it. Only one person that talked to me personally expressed concern with the content. Now I’m getting feedback from the architectural community at large about my article. This feedback comes to me through the editor and is negative. So far the positive feedback versus negative breakdown has broken along an expected line. The uppers don’t like it, and my peers do.

Here’s some asinine feedback:

Innuendos supportive of homosexuality as a life style and egocentric ranting appear to me to fall outside of a range of subject matter appropriate to the type of publication, which I understand “Columns” to be.

I really can’t justify such bigotry with a reply. Here’s some better thought-out feedback:

Twisted perception of Fountainhead aside, the article by Alex seems more than just a little naïve and annoyingly bitter – which came across as a personal rant on his soap box about what must have been some bad leadership in his seemingly limited personal history in the profession.

I know there have been young people in the profession who have felt beaten down by the boss man as long as the profession has existed. Occasionally those people grow up to be the next generation’s lousy bosses – but more often than not, they grow increasingly bitter and wash-out or change professions.

…

While provocative for sure, personal rants and bitterness should be saved for internet blogs and spirited drunken happy hours – not Columns.

Yes, sir, I will own “bitter rant”. I take that criticism and acknowledge I may not be the most mature writer. But, sir, that I’m bitter and feel beaten down by the boss does not obviate the possibility or likelihood that there are plenty of bosses - architects - doing a lot of beating.

Where’s Brandon Routh? What good is a giant crystal without a half-naked, 6′-4″, dark-haired, blued-eyed hunk of manflesh standing in front of it? If National Geographic really wanted this article to be seen, they would’ve at least hired a tight-shirted Tom Welling showing nipplage to point authoritatively in a direction that would best accentuate his triceps. (via Slumbering Lungfish)

- Edit -

Ladies and gentlemen, this post is for one person, one Mr. MagnusfromBerlin. You can follow along, but not knowing what I’m referring to will make it hard on you. That’s how it goes at Balding Angrily. You just have to read and be confused. The tracks at the end? You are not allowed to help Magnus figure them out. You will be hit by a truck if you do. From here on, I am speaking only to Sir Magnus.

Last week MagnusfromBerlin let me download some songs so I could review them. While I’m not qualified or capable of giving a good review in a meaningful way, I can easily spit out the first thing in my head when hearing a song. His rules were simple. He wouldn’t give me the artist or the name of the song.

He chose songs that I likely wouldn’t know because he’s extra cruel.

I chose songs to respond to his, and posted them at the end. He’s since responded to the post you’re reading right this moment. We both want you to play along. We want you to choose six or seven songs that respond to mine, take off any identifying information, and give it to one or both of us to yak about.

Below are my impressions of his songs. You can follow along to my rambling if you want. Download the six songs he gave me here. I wrote this all directly to him. Keep that in mind when you get to “you” statements.

Track 01 - The first time I heard it, it made me think of that stretched-out Beethoven project. Lots of pulsing.

:32 Ooh! A beat! But still more pulsing that never ends. Ever.
1:00 Godammit. The beat ended. The best part and it’s over.
1:48 I feel the beat coming back. Come on. Any second now. You can do it.
2:00 There’s the bass beat, but not the whip-cracking.
2:19 THERE IT IS!! You had me wondering there for a second.
2:39 Ooh! A chord change! Hooray for chord changes!
3:06 Kick-ass lyrics. I wish I knew what he/she was saying. “But I’m hitching a ride”?
3:36 And the synths pick up the melody. This is getting very cool.
4:16 “I can see lights”?
4:30 Seriously, I’m starting to bob my head and dance. I’m digging this track.
4:55 Uh-oh, I’m sensing an end. The chord changes are only in the base line, and now the drum just ended again. This is the “go take a bump off your best friend’s fingernail” interlude.
6:08 Yay! Back to the full orchestration and lyrics! Time to put away the coke and get back on the dance floor!
6:42 You know how I love the Johnny Marr-esque guitar. I feel like that’s what made you send this track to me.
7:24 With only a minute to go, I sense it’s just more of the same to the end. That’s a’aight. I had a lot of fun with this track.

Track 02 - I wouldn’t be surprised if I knew who this is. I’ll let you confirm it though.

:14 This is how you start off a track. Immediately with the drumbeats and some nice piano tinkling.
:43 This voice is very distinct. I’m sure I know who it is, especially with the chorus and lyrics.
1:00 Real drums! Not always with the synths are you Magnus.
1:32 Seriously. Where did the opera singer from the “Star Trek Original Series Theme Song” come from?
2:18 Get-a-bump-of-coke time.
2:35 Not a synth to be heard. Now we’re full-on, real instruments. I love a mixture of synth and real instruments like that.
3:00 Especially that free-form guitar. Very cool.
3:37 “Everyone needs their own life they can follow. Going backwards”? How does one do that?
4:14 Very cool whispered coda.

Track 03

:08 Mandolin-type Spanish-ish guitar. Dig it.
:22 This guy sounds very mopey. Very Spandau Ballet.
1:00 I can’t really listen to the lyrics while trying to type. I like the background piano, though.
1:42 Who’s Ada? His girlfriend? A mythical goddess-type? I can see that. This is kind of an ethereal song that wouldn’t be out of place in a Lord of the Rings movie.
2:27 You got me with the weeping strings. I’m a sucker for strings.
3:08 This song, unfortunately, doesn’t really go anywhere. It’s exceedingly beautiful, but the build is a little too slight.

Track 04

:00 With a laugh, I can already tell this is going to be a fun song.
:23 Very cool bass line. I’m bobbing again. Just like in the first track.
:46 The voice is very Dave Gahan-esque.
1:00 Then it isn’t. I feel this guy is kind of like Bjork. English is his second language.
1:31 I really love the beat and the bass line. In fact, I’m having a hard time being eloquent. I just want to bob my head.
2:42 Kind of like the last track, it’s not really building. While I love this beat, too much of it can get tiring.
3:32 How come I feel like I’m on a camel in the Sahara, bobbing over sandy dunes?
4:05 I like the production work on the guitar. I like that forever-echo type thing.
5:18 Overall - B

Track 05 - Since I’ve heard all these before writing these as-I-hear-them gut reactions, I have to say this is a very fun track. Probably the most fun of all these. Okay, back to the song.

:04 I’m in a video game. I’m shooting beasties. I’m in Galaga.
:27 “I make these mix tapes. I make these pony roads”?
:42 Between the mix tapes, the bees, and the dad that goes to Dad School…what in the fuck is this song about?
1:48 Break it down.
1:58 I like how you gave me a break with some real music, and then went came right back to this pure-synth craziness.
2:25 If I had a synth version of my voice, I’d use it on my outgoing message on my answering machine.
3:15 Fucking bees again.
3:38 And now back to the mix tapes.
4:09 Game over. The beasties finally got the gun-ship.

Track 06

:06 And we’re back to the never-ending pulsing.
:23 Double time. (Kinda like Hammer-time, but not at all.)
:46 I’m cleaning my keyboard with an air sprayer.
1:33 Ominous chords? Why? Who done something wrong? Why all the creepiness?
1:58 Since I know this isn’t going end any time soon, I’ll take this opportunity to tell you what this song reminds me of. It feels like a high-tech heist. Like this would be playing under a scene where some tech-heads were breaking into a big high-tech computer company and they were going to steal some big high-tech thingamabob.
3:48 A brief end to the monotony, and then back to it.
4:09 I should say I like this song a lot more than I’m letting on…but I seriously think it needs to be accompanied by some kind of video. By itself, it’s just too much of the same over-and-over.
5:18 I really like the snaps and kind of intermittent sound effects. I think that really sells this song.
6:27 This song is telling me something. It’s speaking in its beepy language. This song is self-aware.

Now for my 6 (7) songs. I put this together to respond to yours. The connection isn’t always obvious. This was kind of a stream-of-consciousness exercise for me. I chose based on a gut reaction, not with a whole lot of thought.

The first two songs on my mix represent the first track on yours. They are in order. In other words, 1 & 2 of mine represents 1 on yours. 3 on mine represents 2 on yours. 4 on mine represents 3 on yours. Etc. Got it?

Track 1

Track 2

Track 3

Track 4

Track 5

Track 6

Track 7

Yes, this is one of those posts - one of the one’s where I apologize profusely for not posting, but I also want to update you on something going on.

As you all know, I’m in the midst of a struggle trying to figure out what to do with my career. I can’t honestly say I hate architecture, but I have no passion for it. Over the past six months since I started this blog, this feeling of disquietude has increased, probably because the job so clearly contrasts with this blog, which I really love doing.

As you probably know, I’ve been doing a lot of blogging at work. On Friday my bosses asked me to stop doing internet things. While I would love to tell the bosses to shove it and walk, that’s a reaction that doesn’t match in severity the request. Also, I have my obligations to the household and Jerry to think about.

This meeting on Friday was a long time in coming, and I knew it. Over the weekend I spent some time moping, and I am still unsettled as to what to do. Because of this, the forces of nature have made it clear to me that I need to shit or get off the pot. It’s put up or shut up time. It’s time to throw all the clichés I can think of in a bag and shake vigorously. In other words, I can’t just talk about hating my job anymore. Thoughtful action is required.

What that means for you, my faithful readers, is I may be posting less as I try to get my shit together.