balding angrily

Colleen was Jerry’s best friend for 9 years before he met me. She passed away unexpectedly on my birthday 4 years ago. It’s best that I don’t dwell on that.

I can’t profile her like I did with Jen-An and Owen because any attempt would turn out too shallow. All the people that I put down here turn into characters (or caricatures) for you to read about. I play with these characters at my whim.  The real people behind the characters tell me on a night out that I’m a jerk, that I’m unfair; we have a glass of wine and a dinner and we move on. These people: Jen-An, Owen, Pubic Hair Head, Jerry, Red-Haired Mom, et al. live outside my head, and as I write new stories about their characters, I’m confident that their real-life counterparts are living full lives, unaffected.

In contrast, Colleen is trapped in my head, bouncing against memories and emotions like a pinball. It’s really unfair to her. She ought to be given the same freedom to live outside any character I draw of her. She was a joyous, living human. Even that sentence is diminishing; she was more than joyous and living. She was all the conflicting things that humans are. The moment I write one thing that she was, I edit out all the other things, and that drives me crazy.

So, this post is my disclaimer. I had a hard time sleeping the other night trying to figure out the best way to introduce her to you, and I decided that it’s best to show this part, the hardest part, first. Then we can move to the good stuff, and you won’t have to ask why she’s always presented in the past tense.

And Cols, I’m going to get things wrong. I so badly wish you were here to yell at me when I do.