balding angrily

Here are four “Friends” in the blogroll of Filmpsotting.net.

The most recent post from Apa Chu:

Photo District News (PDN) is extremely consitent when it comes to highlighting great work. I think this gallery is a little less editorial and a little bit more journalistic as far as travel images go, but it could be that we are detecting a trend, or at least a change in approach. I know that travel magazines don’t usually do photography driven stories, and that the images captured are an after thought to the text, but I am hoping that what I
see in this gallery is a road that more travel photographers will take (pun intended).

The first couple of paragraphs from the most recent post of Greenjeans - Handmade for Conscientious Living:

I love reading others make honest efforts responding to the question “what is craft.” I like to write my own thoughts about it, too, but hearing other points of view is exciting. From curators to cabinet makers to five-year-olds, there are so many interesting answers to hear, I almost collect them. I like to agree or disagree, but mostly I like to just think about them.

Last week David Fleming wrote a cool thought piece on “what is craft” for the Furniture Society’s wonderfully unstuffy blog [link]. He moves from funny flailing at the question (”My feeble brain is bruised from bumping up against the word “craft”…), then cuts to the marrow:

The first paragraph from yesterday’s post from me entitled “my cat likes to be with me when i poop”:

If Jerry’s in the apartment, I close the door. Without fail, Coffee will start meowing at the door. Yesterday, she put her paw under the door trying to open it. When I’m alone in the apartment, I leave the door open. She comes running when she hears me grunting. She does the kittie-rub dance around my legs and purrs loudly; I pet her and stroke her, and she purrs louder.

The blurb describing the work of Milwaukee Shakespeare:

The National Endowment for the Arts in cooperation with Arts Midwest presents Shakespeare for a New Generation.

Milwaukee Shakespeare is one of 36 professional theater companies selected to participate in Shakespeare for a New Generation, bringing the finest productions of Shakespeare to thousands of middle and high school students in communities across the United States. This is the fourth phase of Shakespeare in American Communities, the largest tour of Shakespeare in American history.

The National Endowment for the Arts believes a great nation deserves great art. Shakespeare for a New Generation exemplifies the Arts Endowment’s commitment to artistic excellence, arts education, and public outreach to all Americans.

And commentary provided by Sesame Street:

If Jerry’s in the apartment, I close the door. Without fail, Coffee* will start meowing at the door. Yesterday, she put her paw under the door trying to open it. When I’m alone in the apartment, I leave the door open. She comes running when she hears me grunting. She does the kittie-rub dance around my legs and purrs loudly; I pet her and stroke her, and she purrs louder.

When Jerry’s in the bathroom doing his thing, and I’m surfing the web or doing whatever it is I’m doing…which is usually surfing the web, she stands at the door and meows. I yell to Jerry, “Let her in! She wants to watch you poop!”

I wish I knew when and how I inadvertently trained her that pooping equals petting time.

By the way, in case you’re curious, Jerry and I usually announce to each other when we’re going to poop. It’s one of the fun couples-games we play, like farting on each other. We’ve never pooped in front of each other; that would be gross.

*Coffee’s my one cat; Copland’s the other. Copland doesn’t like to be with us when we poop.

When a co-worker gave me a valentine’s card today, she stood behind me with anticipation and said, “Open it.” I rolled my eyes without actually rolling my eyes. I opened it to this:

I love that people know me so well. What more could I ask for than Superman sporting wood?

Jerry and I spent the morning exchanging love gifts. He bought me a couple of concert tickets to the symphony of my choice. I’ve had this fantasy ever since I saw No Way Out of going to a symphony or opera, me and my man dressed in tuxedos with hair slicked back, wearing a sultry cologne, and getting busy in a limousine on the way back, like Sean Young and Kevin Costner.

I’m not sure we’ll do all that, but it’s a possibility.

Hey kids! Look what I can do! The latest Scissor Sisters video. (via BoyzBlog)

Bear with me while I learn new things. This is usually the purview of watchthisvid, but I wanted to see if I could join the YouTube group of cool kids one year too late. This little vid takes quite a bit from that Matrix ping-pong dealy that your mom, who usually gets onto the computer to send you the latest kitties-in-hats powerpoint, sent you last year.

This is an illustration in one of my reference guides to ensure we architects don’t discriminate against the disabled or differently-abled (I’m not sure what the PC term is supposed to be.) through our building design.

Not many people know that Dr. Spock worked for The Disability Lobby and Fair Housing Office after his service to Starfleet. Or that he spent five nights a week, three hours a night at the gym to get the V he couldn’t get on the bridge of the Enterprise.

Architecture-Nerd Humor. You don’t get that kind of sub-sub-culture mirth from just any website. Only right here at balding angrily. Tell your friends.

I just upgraded to Wordpress 2.1, and it appears that it doesn’t play nice with Safari. Safari users, for whatever reason, aren’t able to comment. I’m sorry for that. I have an inquiry in to the Wordpress support boards. Until I can get it resolved, might I suggest Mac users switch to Firefox? It seems to work swimmingly. If you are a smart person, and know the problem, maybe you can write to me at alex@baldingangrily.com. Also, if you want to comment, which I always encourage, you can write to me. I will post your comment myself. Thank you.

i woke up this morning to an aboriginal man yodeling, and it was friday, and i was happy because it was friday, and then i asked jerry if it was friday, and he said it was thursday, and then i was sad.

also, a giant starfish tried to eat my feet in the middle of the night, and i could see it eat nemo’s dad, so i knew it was going to eat my feet, and i couldn’t get away because i was in water, and i kicked jerry.

• COFFEE ICED COFFEE. (via mimi smartypants) Make sure to follow the discussion in the comments. I love when someone can so completely put on a persona. Turns out it’s not so much of a persona. I read some more of her blog, and I love her. She is angry. Now I know that the name of my blog is a lie. I am not angry. This girl is angry.

• Old grandma hardcore is 71 and plays video games. Do some exploring. Check out some of the videos. She cusses and plays video games. What more could a person ask for?

1. Make sure you have an audience. Telling jokes to your sock drawer is fun, but having an audience of friends is funner. If you don’t have any friends, hire them. Central Casting has a wealth of extras waiting for your call.
2. Prepare your audience. Tell them, “This is the greatest joke you will ever hear. If I were you, I’d record this. Here. I have my mp3 recording device right here. I’ll record it for you. Then you can go home and memorize it. Believe me; you’ll want to memorize it after you lose your bowels from laughing so hard. It’s that funny.”
3. Make up a story of how you heard the joke. Tell your audience that you were eating leftover Moo Goo Gai Pan when a Faerie Princess appeared to you from behind your microwave glass. Tell them that the Faerie Princess told you this joke.
4. (I can’t wait until you hear this joke. It’s THAT funny!)
5. Warn your audience that there might be some strong language, and that one-to-four (but not more than four) minority groups will get insulted in this joke.
6. Make sure your health insurance is up to date.
7. Tell the joke. As you do, make sure to drag it out as long as possible, adding detail and detail-upon-detail and detail-upon-detail-upon-detail. Every telling should be different. Try to see how long you can string out this joke. And then try to beat that record the next time!
8. After the punchline, duck and cover!
9. Hide in the broom closet!
10. Did you remember to make sure your health insurance is up-to-date?
11. Your audience found you and beat you within an inch of your life? Congratulations! You get to go to the hospital!

For all his life Adam wanted to be a Sesame Street bus driver. He studied hard in school and one day interviewed with the Sesame Street company. The boss was impressed with his singular focus, but because the job was a demanding one, he had Adam drive a test route for a week.Adam’s first stop on his first day of his training week was at the house of Patty. Patty was a very big girl with ingrown hairs on her nose and a pink and blue, floral mumu. She sat behind Adam and breathed down his neck. Her breath smelled like cigar smoke. He wanted very much to get away from her, but he remembered that this was his dream job, and that he could stomach Patty for this chance. He drove on.

The next stop was at a tenement where he picked up a second Patty and Ross. The second Patty was twice as big as the first. She shaved her eyebrows, had curly black hairs growing between her knuckles, and her breath smelled like blue cheese left on a gazelle carcass. She sat next to the first Patty and breathed down Adam’s neck. He put a clothes-pin over his nose, remembered his life-long dream, and drove on.

Ross was a special needs boy, so the boys on the Sesame Street playground called him Special Ross. While he wasn’t half as big as the Pattys, at 13 he already had man-boobs that by a genetic happenstance, which might also account for his learning disability, lactated. He couldn’t afford a belt, so his mom made a belt for him out of rope. Every shirt he wore had stains running down from his nipples to his rope-tied waste. He didn’t like the Pattys so he sat in the middle of the bus.

The final stop was at the home of the Sesame Street janitor, Rhett. Even though Rhett was a lowly janitor, he came from aristocratic lines. The Reeves family went back many generations and had many mansions in the Hamptons. He knew that his station in life as a janitor was lowly, so to help remember his heritage he went by his full name, Rhett S. Reeves. Rhett had the habit of picking on the sores on his toes and eating them. He sat at the back of the bus away from lactating Ross and the smelly-breathed Pattys.

So Adam and all drove away. And do you know what the kids on the playground called them?

Two all-beef Pattys, Special Ross, Rhett S. Reeves, picking bunions on a Sesame Street Bus.

I checked my site stats for the first time on Thursday, and I learned a little bit about you. Firstly, as I thought, most of my traffic comes from Filmspotting.net. Secondly, I have a lot more people looking at the site than are commenting. Here’s my challenge to you, non-commenter. Just register. You don’t have to comment; just register. It makes me happy.

Here is a partial list of the search terms used in Google to get people here with the amount of times each term occured. Thank you to Christopher Livingston for giving me the idea for this post.

• ethics v morals - 4 - I didn’t know this was such a hot topic.

• alanis i was hoping interpretation - 2 - Alanis Morissette lyrics have always been pretty self-explanatory to me, the need for an Alanis Rosetta Stone seemingly extraneous. As a sidenote, The Alanis Morissette Lyric Generator is still one of my favorites after how ever many years since The Brunching Shuttlecocks closed down.

• andy roony - 2 - At least two people in the world actually care what Andy Roony has to say anymore. That’s a cheap shot at the expense of an elderly person, I know. I’ve said this many times…and you can take this as helpful words of wisdom…Cheap shots are good for the simple reason that they’re cheap.

• balding angrily - 2 - These two hits are probably me.

• told that i’m balding - 2 - Awwwwwww. Stop crying. Listen very carefully. Sit down. Look in my eyes. You are a Child of God. You are just as handsome as Jesus intends. Don’t listen to those people. Those people are not your friends.

• i was hoping alanis meaning - 2 - Apparently, one does need an Alanis Rosetta Stone for “I Was Hoping”. If someone would like to clear this one up for the hopeful Googler, I’m sure they’d appreciate it. (See what I did there, with the “hoping” and the “hopeful”? Puns = funny.) (Joke 3.0! Superstar!)

• morals v ethics - 2 - So I tapped into some kind of zeitgeist. Does this make me a cultural shaman? I hope so. I’d like to imagine being dressed in a smoky cloak made of People magazines and mini personal televisions all tuned to Extra. I would sit by a plasma television with a video of a fire on it with my legs crossed, hands on knees, palms up in a attitude of reception for what the Oversoul of Popular Culture had to impart to me.

• meaning behind that i would be good morissette - 1 - To my brothers and sisters in constant obeisance to Alanis: she ain’t that hard to figure out. She’s pretty straight-forward. In fact, I’d challenge you to find a lyricist that is less…opposite of cryptic.

• ironic stories with morals - 1 - Everyone remembers The Tale of the Overly Long Piano Recital For ADHD Sufferers in Which They Only Served Red Bull and Nerds (The Candy Kind, Not the Horn-Rimmed Kind) at Intermission and The Mothers of Said ADHD Sufferers Learned that Hitting Their Children in Public Leads to Jail Time. Those were the days.

• leering college - 1 - Sign me up.

• well paid too comfortable - 1 - Please send me your job description and your salary. I don’t believe there is such a thing as “well paid, too comfortable.” You, sir or madam, are a liar.

• diapers irony - 1 - Tee-hee. This makes me turn Japanese Little Girl Type, covering my mouth while I giggle.

• boner kibbles - 1 - Is it dog kibble shaped like boners? Is it a boner dipped in frosting with kibble stuck to it? Is it dog kibble made of ground up boners? Does a person get a boner while acting like a dog and being forced to eat kibble? This is probably most likely. Offer up any other suggestions in the comments.

• reichen lehmkuhl cock - 1 - My guess is that, yes, he does have one. My second guess is that he’s still a douche. A cock does not a non-douche make.

• office blowjob - 1 - How the fuck? If you’re looking on Manhunt or M4M4FN for an afternoon hummer or stories of afternoon hummers, why would you come to a site with stories of when, how, and to what extent I pass gas? No need to answer that question, you person that may still be reading this. Welcome. I’m happy that you’ve stopped here, and can gain new insight into the human condition via fart stories.

Look! I know how to do bullets!