balding angrily

We invited a friend-couple to Oscar Night explaining that we aren’t the type of gays to throw a blow-out, gold lamé gown-required celebration of pomp. We’ve read about those. We have people over, eat Frito Pie, and make fun of the celebrities. The guy part of the friend-couple wrote back.

i have never, ever, ever gone thru the pain of watching an ‘oscars.’ it simply does not seem to be a very manly thing to do.

and like at t’giving, where ‘the girls’ played house while ‘the boy’ watched sports, will there be anything else for me to do?

damn, this sounds wimpy. so i will need to consult ‘the ticket’ before i can commit. they have a segment called ‘gay or not gay’ where they offer advice on perplexing dilemmas of this sort

i will post you accordingly…

He has an aversion to capitalization. I asked him why, and he didn’t give me a satisfactory answer. He also writes, “thru.” He’s not a smart person.

I wrote back.

If you do come, I suggest you brush up on your stars and starlets in the tabs. A lot of the time will be spent deconstructing the fashion choices of said stars and starlets. Look at it as a new kind of sport. The Superbowl and Oscar night share some of the same things: behind-the-scenes drama, disappointment, loss, tears, triumph, Cinderella stories, a mad fascination by the media, the chance that you might see a nipple-slip, if you’re at our house maybe some yelling at the television for a bad call, and unfortunately LONG stretches of very little happening.

Last year I yelled at the TV because Brokeback Mountain lost. Jerry also responded to him.

I can’t wait to hear the advice offered up by the enlightened brotherhood of The Ticket listeners. I’m certain it will be profound!

You can bring all of your back issues of Sports Illustrated to flip through. And, while we drink cosmopolitans we will serve you a very dark and heavy lager (out of a bottle - no glass). Oh, and you can scratch and burp and fart at your leisure.

He answered today.

based on your two very persuasive responses, how could i possibly say no to such well-meaning individuals.

by the way, i’ve checked with the guys at “the ticket” and they have told me i can go. but i cannot breathe a word of this to anyone!

and yes alex, you can quote me if you wish…

Gay panic.