balding angrily

I spend more time than some people looking up the correct usage of a word or phrase. That’s not to say I’m all intellectually curious like John Cusack’s would-be girlfriend in Say Anything. It’s more like I’m a little obsessive/compulsive about being right. My favorite look-up concerns the Alanis Morisette/Irony debate. I typed in “irony +Alanis Morissette” to Google and I got directed to any number of message boards and essays that attempt to either call Alanis on her sloppy use of language or argue that Alanis’s writing is brilliant. Many people have tried to give me examples of what true irony is, but still I get lost, or at least I’m going to pretend to be lost for the purpose of this sentence. Irony is a slippery concept to me. Don’t try to explain it to me again; you will fail in the attempt, and I will hate you for it.

I got called out on some boards about my use of the word “morals.” The person said I should be using the word “ethics.” I’ve looked up the two words, and I’m still confused because they still seem more or less interchangeable to me. Again, please don’t explain it to me. You will fail; I will hate you.

Why is this important? I was trying to think through what Dr. Laura would call a “moral dilemma” the other day, and got caught at the semantics. Was what I was trying to work through really an “ethical dilemma?” Is Dr. Laura misspeaking when she continues to ask about callers’ “moral dilemmas?” Is this one more reason why I should hate Dr. Laura? If “ethics” are the rules that attempt to codify “morals,” is it “ethics” or “morals” that prevent me from exposing my bare ass to the nearest Republican?

Here’s the ethical or moral dilemma that started this whole messed-up, confused line of thinking. I’m having a hard time figuring out when forced castration becomes a “should.” This is what I’m thinking about while I’m walking to Tin Star for lunch.