Stealing from my Gay Pimp Daddy Jonny McGovern, I’d like to nominate Reichen Lehmkuhl for Bloody Tampon of the Week for a recent statement he made and his boyfriend Lance Bass as Honorary Tampon String of the Week for things he said while coming out. When Lance came out I was so excited because I thought JT might make some big public statement of support for the gays, which would hopefully change the mind of some cloistered Colorado teen girl who gets her public policy opinions through her MTV intravenous drip. It is my life’s dream to change the mind of one Colorado teen girl.
When I read Lance’s coming out story in People about he and his friends calling each other “SAG”s for “Straight Acting Gays,” and that the message he wants to give to the rest of the world is that “We are all just like you” or some such, I turned to hating him. I will repeat an oft-repeated sentiment. I don’t want my gays to act straight. You make yourself look like a douche when you say you are a straight-acting gay, not only because the obvious follow-up question is, “How ‘straight-acting’ is having your penis in the vicinity of another man’s naked buttocks/penis/mouth/hand/elbow/Chihuahua?” but also because you made up an acronym expecting it to be widely adopted, a feat that only military scientists and archaeologists accomplish.
Which brings me to why Reichen Lehmkuhl should be nominated Bloody Tampon of the Week. He tried to coin a new phrase, this time by using the name of his potato-headed boyfriend. Please Reichen, let go of that celebrity butt hair you’ve been clinging to and take a swan dive into the toilet water.
And finally, thank you Neil Patrick Harris for coming out. Welcome to the team. We need more like you. Please don’t fuck up.
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